There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
