I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
CONGRATULATIONS! You have won: pictures of my nipples!
I mean he gave me an 'I owe you an orgasm' fist bump
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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