I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Ha Ha the cop that just pulled me over would like me to tell you hi!
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Our night has progressed to doing coke off a laundry machine through a parking ticket
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Randomize
