I think I am morally bankrupt
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
Good thing you left when you did - ended up getting banned from jimmy johns.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
There is a severe lack of banging on that itinerary... I'd like a revision on my desk within the hour
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
A Morman just tried to recruit me and I told him "Trust me, you don't want me"
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
Randomize
