If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
I just spent the last two hours on the phone with Emily trying to explain to her how to finger herself.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
This girl named her kid Rainforrest. If I die, just know it was from laughing so fucking hard.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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