If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
I didn't cheat on him. Cheating means finding out. I made sure he was at work first. After the guy left I got shitfaced just so nothing seemed out of the ordinary when he came home.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
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