i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
she threw up on her exam, awkwardly wiped it off with her sleeve and continued writing.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
