yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
wish he had known he had poison ivy on his cock beforehand... Is calamine okay to put on your vag?..
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Randomize