I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
Turned on my GPS and all that it said in the search bar was "beer,"
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
At least is you came to Milwaukee to visit me you'd get the best mind blowing sex of your life and free wifi. Who doesn't want free wifi!
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I don't know about this Sanders guy after all. I'm voting for MYSTERY BABYLON, WHORE OF ALL THE EARTH
Hillary?
FYI telling a guy that you're glad his dick isn't big after giving him a bj, is NOT a compliment.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
