I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
you told him to eat candy out of your ear instead of your vagina because you had your period. never. drink. AGAIN.
Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm about to smoke a joint alone, do you want to FaceTime and pretend you're smoking it too?
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
