We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
I'm so high. I'm going to need directions to get home.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
It was just a hint of nipple. I kept it classy!
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
