I put so much effort into my vagina today. If i don't get laid tonight I'm gonna be pissed.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
She sucked my dick while i watched james bond. And they say marriage sucks
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
This morning we had sex while he was wearing a full length fur jacket and sunglasses... I wasn't even phased
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
