since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
She wants me to spank her and yell "Kerry! Your father is disappointed with your choices!" Fuck up but crazy hot? Or just fuck up crazy?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
