I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
Sorority life is like alcoholic girl scouts, plus douchebags in polos.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
That rando I gave head to on the beach just endorsed me on LinkedIn for Oral Communication Skills. So there's that.
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Did he think I was flirting with him when I ordered a hot dog bc no
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
i feel like you should know pants are always optional
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
