Down for casual relationships, more fun than catholic missionary, bring condoms and don't get attached.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Watching Colbert Report and porn at the same time.
Randomize
