so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
we should wear snuggies to the strip club
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
What. The. Fuck.
You'll have to be more specific. I do a lot of "what the fuck" kind of stuff
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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