My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
My day went from bad to worse when I realized I puked out my second floor window last night.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
Randomize