a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize
