I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I like to use the word "seasoned" over "slutty", you know, like a good curly fry
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
How are you going to come here and fuck on our couch ? That's everyones couch
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
I have an important idea to tell you when I'm sober about a cat scratching my nose once and what it taught me. DONT LET ME FORGET.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
You ran outside mistaken the snow for sand and started screaming "WHERES TH BEACH"
Randomize
