I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Randomize