so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
her best friend is in town and she told me that they used to fool around when they were drunk and I'd have to "help keep that from happening"
you motherfucker
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
Randomize
