i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
I have no idea. After the fireworks it all went to shit. Do you know why I woke up with a road sign?
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
So that groomsmen was naked under his kilt. Also I just had sex in the elevator. And yes, those two updates are definitely related.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
