Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
Everytime the frat boy touches his bro's ass after making a cup take a drink
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
just got permission to expense a nerf gun
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
Randomize
