Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
he told me I talked like a deaf person
I am currently in the waffle making stage of highness
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
I just want to sing to him and rub baby oil on his head
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
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