I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?
I gave it to your brother to give to you.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You're being dramatic. You can calm down, or you can piss off. Either way, I ate your burrito.
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Just call Katie. She's like the drunk whisperer; she can get them to do anything.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
Seriously considering modifying my computer case so it can dispense wine. I need to make a bunch of changes and reorganize it's guts anyway....
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize