You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Oh my god! She wrote the word ''hi'' in HAIR on the shower wall. What the fuck?!
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
Dude I was taking a shower and I kept looking down at the drain expecting Mario to come up, yell "It's a me, Mario!", tickle my balls, and go back down the drain.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
right now I need to figure out a smart way to get an accurate picture of his dick so I know what in dealing with, right now in flying blind.
Lets just say I tried to pinky promise the cop... So I was fucked up.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Randomize
