I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
I bought a zebra print bikini, I'm gonna be honest here- if he doesn't want to have sex with me in this, he's gay.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
no normal human would even think about making waldo slutty but you
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
Today's forecast is horny with strong chance of booty calls. Low of Craigslist cruising, and a high of climaxing in a stranger's bed.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
