11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
So many stories. To uyou are sober. I heart you though. Jesus. Dirrty dancing jusyt came oine!!no. Lie.
Guess who just screamed "Everything happens for a reason!!" in the abortion clinic. This girl.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
Randomize
