This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
Randomize
