That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
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