Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
I don't want to tell anyone! People who sleep with senators either end up in porn or guantanamo
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
