we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
What about the words "You're my personal dildo" made him say "I love you"?
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
Randomize
