He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
He said he had a gf but the monogamy was "only implied".
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
So I just stole my deans keys to break into the dining hall to get coco puffs. I shouldn't have gone to this meeting stoned.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
