Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
In fact, not a good idea to go into any house alone after a man invites you in from his balcony.
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
It's just weird. It's like Big Bird dating Meg Griffin.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
