With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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