so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
did i walk over a car last night?
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
I think my dove chocolate wrapper just told me to masturbate.
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
Randomize
