Three words: puerto rican gang bang
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Please stop sending me picture messages of your shit. Seriously. I don't care if it looks like popcorn chicken.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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