What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
she left with her roommate. or at least i think she did. but i also just thought i ate candy corn but i'm hal convinced it was candle wax.
Okay throwing up in my mouth a little = time to go home
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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