just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
Getting stoned and going to costco. If i'm not back by dawn, you know what to do.
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
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