This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
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