One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
If I have to give a UPS guy a lap dance, you owe me a drink.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
Btw. U, me, male strippers, beer. Gonna happen. We could totally get TNT from like u know TNT places
I should be done at 8 and I've also done a great Job of convincing my self that I should get really drunk tonight
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
Sometimes intelligent conversation doesn't mix well with a romantic interest. It's possible the two are best kept separate. Toys should just stay in the toy box.
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
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