my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Hah I guess I sent that to like ten people, along with another one of me sitting in a bath tub eating an ice cream sandwich.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
Randomize
