at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I just added her as a friend on Facebook. I met her 5 minutes ago and there are already more than 50 pics of me uploaded... from other nights.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
I’m traumatised. Bring vodka and condoms.
Randomize
