This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I had to physically pry the rocks out of your hands so you wouldn't throw them at the guy with the cowboy hat. You probably would've missed anyways.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
his first fb message to me in 3 years was "is your cock open for business?" im blocking him
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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