That's when you crack a 10am beer
I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
I managed to convince him it was his fault I cheated on him...he spent the last 40 minutes going down on me. I feel legendary.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Everything isn’t always sunshine & rainbows. Sometimes there’s tequila.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
I’m going to hump him until his teeth hurt and then I’m going to have my way with him
Randomize
