It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Pre-drinking/conditioning my liver for this impending hurricane party associated with cat. 2 hurricane Irene. Be ready to roll in a weather channel minute.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
Randomize
