I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
He offered me a ride home but i walked. He lives by an elementary school so a 10 yr old safety officer helped me across the street during my walk of shame
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
Randomize
