Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
i just ate two sandwiches and am debating booty calling my landlord
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
I finally won that bet on when the anorexic girl would pass out at the gym. You owe me 10 now
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I'm wearing red that night.
Noted, what shade?
Whore.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
