Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
So vagazzling was a success
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
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