I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Dude you missed it. This guy in the liquor store knocked over a whole display of 5 hour energy with his face.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I just want some dick and chicken fingers please advise
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
