I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
i was staring at it trying to desperately see a vagina
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Just picture a dyson vacuum with razor blades. That's how it felt.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
Why am I feeling up grandma?!
I'm really glad a picture of you as an infant followed this text.
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
