My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
oh, and bring over your fire extinguisher. we're gonna get the mailman again
Omg I'm so stupid. All the peoples fb status that said "spain" I thought they were all going to spain.......
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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