two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
So I pass out narcotics if its a girl?
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Randomize
