i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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