drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
based on the size of her vibrator, i'm going to be a huge disappointment
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
laying naked on couch sucking water through straw. i can still feel the orgasm from last night. thank you mdma.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
Wow you are like a taller more attractive sex Yoda.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Sorry for not calling you back. I got drunk and passed out on the kitchen floor. I just found my phone in the shower.
Randomize
