Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize
