I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
ok so i took my anxiety medication and i'm eating junior mints and i think my vagina will be ok
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
