So my mouth tastes like dick. Does that explain how our talk went?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We shot off some fireworks at 12 and then I orchestrated the group singing of god bless the USA all while wearing a don't tread on me flag as a cape. I repped hard.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Well, I wish you luck on finding out who your boyfriend is
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
My sex life is driven by spite and alcohol
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
