Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
are you putting in a lot of effort today like appearance wise
I am taking my rightful place as emperor of the undead appearance wise
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
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