Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I asked her if she had any t-shirts of bands that didn't suck. I got a Sublime shirt and my answer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
only my mom would pack illegal paraphernalia in a care package..
So Ryan had to wash the dishes. His solution: take a shower with them. I'm never eating at his house again.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
did i just pee glitter
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Randomize
