Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
