I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
but im not going to tell the owner of the penis of my dreams how to wear his hair.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
Sorry, that was mean and I didn't mean it. I'm just mad at condoms
Idk woke up on the suite in someone else's clothing and actually broke my ankle
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
I smell like beef jerky
That's among the sexiest things you've ever said to me.
Randomize
