5 years of college and never once did they teach us how to respond when you overhear a group of 7th grade boys who are in your class talking about how you're definitely DTF
children are so perceptive these days... and horny
I dont need to watch it. And stop comparing your life to Entourage.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
can i drink enough to forget this semester even happened?
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
On a side note the mornings you do so much Xanax that you wake up totally at one with the universe and feel invincible are great
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Randomize
