Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I'm too over dressed and drunk for this emergency vets office
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
I’m sorry, some of us common-folk don’t have access to steady dick
Randomize
