Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Lol I just left. He's funny and he's cute. Downside: he thinks he can outdrink us
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
Someone please drive out to my house to bring me a beer.. There are some in the fridge but I just can't get up
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
I had phone sex with a retiree last night. This is not how I envisioned my 20s going...
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
