This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
sometimes i wish i could just stick a turkey baster up there and suck out the blood
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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