First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
It wasn't exactly a dick pic. It was more like a body shot with a hint of wiener.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
He ate me out in a limo while we were driving home. I love bars being open again!
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