Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
walking around pouring bird seed on passed out guys in the quad.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
i refuse to take responsibility for eating Chuck E Cheese pizza and having any other repercussions than the shits.
Randomize
