he was like a christmas ornament you would hang on the back of the tree....not great but still made the cut.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
Nothing like all your friends getting engaged to remind you how much fun sleeping around is.
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
