News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
