I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize
