I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
