I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
I can text with my tongue
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
Randomize