fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
Wait..I'm drunk and butt naked making a pizza. Happy Wednesday.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
