hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
I'll just wear something slutty to the liquor store and hope for the best
that's your solution for everything
So the bros are yelling at another bro to get that dildo off the roof. And there is indeed a dildo looking object on the roof.
I remember halftime. Then I woke up in Spain. I need a drink in order to process this.
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
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