The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
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