Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
worst night to have a conscience
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
He came out in cowboy boots and underpants holding a beer while he hugged my mom. I love Montana.
Quesedillas should not make me weep and drinking water should not make me feel like god is giving me mouth to mouth. Never again.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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