We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
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