After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Literally if she wants to make a big deal, I'd rather have shit smeared on my face.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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