Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
yea..i want to get out of new york for a bit too but for the love of god not to new jersey. that's like getting tired of the stripclub and getting yourself a toothless prostitute.
Little spoons don't ask big questions
Even my vagina gasped.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
