i don't plan on having that self control this summer
i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
He pulled his dick out during the Bourne Ultimatum, ruined it for me.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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