I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
It feels like heartburn in my lungs. I'll buy 2 pounds.
Randomize
