oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
It's always a relief to be able to look at some one, and remind yourself that there IS some one who gets laid less then yourself.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
I'm being an old woman and getting trashed in a night gown in public...of course it's going to be fun
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Randomize
