i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
Randomize
