I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
happy birthday! Any relationship between us is now officially illegal.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
When he pulls out of you and farts and says ahh I wanted to do that for the past 30 mins ....you rethink the next drunken hook up
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
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