Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
Let's have a moment of silence for the guinea pig that drunk chick threw out our window.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦🏼♀️
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
