the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
Some asshole just brought BK into my summer class, im already high as hell, i did not need another way to not pay attention
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
He's a Shit stain on my heart
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
Less adorably, the dog stared me down, yelping, while I gave him a morning blowie.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
That's true. Ask me when I'm not fucked up. Nvm hold on. Btw. Wikipedia dinosaur. It's fascinating
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