How'd it feel making her break her religion?
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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