my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
When we found you, you were half crying/half singing Taylor swift songs at 2am in the bathroom, and occasionally puking. I think I get "friend of the year" award just for putting up with your drunk ass all night.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Randomize
