I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
I have good news and bad news. Bad news, she's not in porn. Good news, I found porn.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
