Me. At least after what I've been through.
I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
YOU GOT KINKY WEIRD ICE CREAM HEAD ON FRIDAY DONT EVEN COMPLAIN.
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
As a general rule of thumb, I don't call until the claw marks have healed.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
If he ever pulls my hair again, I'm going to conveniently have lock jaw. Then he can decide whether pain during sex is still fucking appealing.
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
I think the night went to shit after he started sweating and crying about a taco he dropped on the ground 3 years ago. No more blind dates
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