Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
hand jobs are a waste of time that only lead to arm cramps. Also, where do you look...his eyes, at the penis, at the tv?
yeah the "where to look" question is super awkward
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
Randomize
