did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
