I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He's the conductor of the struggle bus
I RODE THAT FINE PIECE OF STRUGGLE BUS
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
I DMed the cop that arrested me to come unlock my keys out if my car today
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
You told everybody that you were a dragon and then projectile vomited all over the kitchen.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
Randomize
