i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
Girls should come with a carfax report
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Randomize
