i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Just do what I do and listen to your vagina. She’ll growl when she smells good dick
Randomize
