This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
Weed smoke burps in the boss's face. Job security.
We're cuddling on the couch that me and his brother had sex on...this feels wrong
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
my longitudinal study of the long term effects of sloth and alchol-intake is nearly complete.
so you are graduating this semester.
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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