somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
Travelers Top-Tip: Europeans do not appreciate being repeatedly referred to as "gypsy" regardless of how good your Borat impression is.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
So your brother is gay after all... Just caught him making out with my brother... Apparently he's gay too
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
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