My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
ive decided something. ive accepted you as being gay. but i havent accepted you as a vegetarian yet.
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
I puked up my nose. THAT kind of night
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
Fyi - we're going to be eating those sandwiches in bed when you get home.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
