HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I swear to god if I have to repeat this to you one more mother fucking time I will flip fucking shit and acidic rain will pour down upon your mother fucking soul
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
