I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
His hands were made for my vagina.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Randomize
