i fucked some guy last night. i called him nick jonas by mistake. i'm 24.
it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
i out mim tonsoeep
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