I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
Randomize
