wakey wakey hands off snakey
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Fun fact: female penguins have sex in exchange for pebbles to build nests. I now know what im being for halloween
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Randomize
