You're mentally unstable and I would hate to be you
help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
I have beard burns on my inner thighs. I'd say last night went pretty well.
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Randomize